Quench? Quench.

This article is written by Teesta Sen (BA.LL.B. Class of 2019)

I was emotionally blackmailed into writing this article by a friend I’ve made memories like accidentally burning his hair while lighting a Cuban cigar on a kitchen gas stove (he was so drunk he held the burnt hair in his palm looked at an equally drunk me and said “Wait that’s my hair”) with, for two reasons:

1. In the honour of the unsuccessfully lit Cuban cigar
2. Despite, having accomplished things in my two and a half years of Law school, my foremost reputation of being a liberal alcoholic female always precedes me.

Admittedly, I do enjoy the occasional drink and it is one of the many illicit stressbusters law school has taught me to indulge in guilt free, which is why I often find myself staring at John Lennon’s face at Quench. For those of you who have just stepped into the world of “chal beer peene jaate hai, sab aa rahe hai” after college hours, Quench is located about 10-15 minutes away from college next to Juhu Starbucks and Grain and Bagel (Grain&Bagel has AWESOME waffles by the way, skip the 8 am lecture and have breakfast there once).

When should you go to Quench? (Gyaan you actually need plus a lot of Zoobar-Quench comparisons, pick your side loyalist. )

1. Don’t bother going there unless you’re “old enough” to consume alcohol (which is where that obscure picture of your ID card in your gallery showing you were born in 1994 or earlier becomes your lifeline). Once you have the said ID proof, they don’t really care even if you look 16. Trust me I know. My ID unfortunately says 1993 and since I’ve been blessed with the struggles of chubby cheeks coupled with the height of a minion, the only hassle I faced after showing my ID to the guard at the entrance was a “93 HAHAHAHAH” and a snigger. I went to the fourth floor and had a good time whilst ignoring the waiters mentally calculating my height and age, when taking my order.

   Wait. You don’t have one yet? Breathe, you’re in a college that survives trimester deadlines due to alcohol and grass vapour, your friend can photoshop or procure a fake one for you.

   Does ZooBar care? Not before 8pm.
2. Quench is more expensive than ZooBar (more on that eternal debate, later). They care about demonetisation struggles about as much as Russia cares about Aleppo right now, which means you need to feel rich before walking into this place. So unless you’re the kind that orders first and then pays later by counting the last few coins and chutta notes that you have because you enjoy blowing up money on sangrias, (Hey whatever makes you happy, we follow a live and let live policy) you’ll need much more than you spend on an average Anand dosa. And by much more I mean shelling out, about 300-400 bucks if you’re dutching in a group of 2-3 people, depending on how much y’all order.
3. The food is expensive but BRILLIANT. Now, no one goes to Zoobar to order food  but the crowd that comes to Quench actually orders a substantial amount of food too. Why? Because the last time I ordered tacos in Zoobar and paid 400 bucks for it, I got five methi paratha pieces shaped like taco shells, the size of a dwarfs erectile stump, with (wait for it) paneer ki sabzi inside them. And the imbeciles dared to call it “Taco Twist” or some name that was a sorry excuse for feeding me ghar ka khaana and robbing me simultaneously.

4. MUSIC AND AMBIANCE  (THEY HAVE LENNONS FACE PAINTED ON A WALL, AN ENTIRE WALL.) I love the ambiance in Quench. The decor has a very grungy feel to it, there’s a mesh wall, guitar and whiskey bottle pin ups. Chandeliers made out of empty green glass bottles, mood lighting, comfy couches, chairs and tables. And two quaint hand painted walls.

   The DJ is someone my best friend and I wanted to at least go to first base with after listening to his playlist. There’s no trashy Bollywood music, so if that’s your mojo, go for the Zoobar Bollywood nights.

   Quench offers classic rock to electro, a healthy dose of bands like Beatles, Pink Floyd and the Eagles. Jimi Hendrix shows up as do Led Zeppelin and Evanescence, even some catchy tracks from 2008 you’d forgotten you loved (read: Enrique, Shakira and yes Backstreet Boys) which you’ll find yourself singing along and reminiscing to now, sprinkled with the occasional icing of Coldplay etc. They have an inclination towards English music but Bollywood makes a fun guest appearance now and then.

   It’s always an eclectic mix at Quench, and there’s always a song for every mood in the room.
5. Toilets? It is advisable to not use the toilets they have because:

   1. You’ll 9 times out of 10 become an unwilling witness of couples awkwardly breaking off mid-second base so you can pass through or of couples that are so involved in playing tonsil tennis, your beer filled bladder is last on their list of fucks to give. Unless voyeurism is your thing, and you will not feel worse about your sad dry single existence, we recommend holding it in and not venturing up the very fwb friendly staircase that leads to the bathroom.
   2. The sanitation isn’t exactly stellar. My friend who’d run up to relieve herself, came down unrelieved whining about how there was a piece of shit lying on the bathroom floor. So buckle up and use the toilet elsewhere. We recommend bladder control exercises for men and kegel for the women, to be able to calm our bladder chakras till we reach a better toilet.
   3. Also steps. You have to climb quite a few steps before reaching the bathroom and for someone with cerebellum issues once the alcohol hits,the risk of falling down a flight of stairs because I now have the equilibrium of a toddler outweighs the risk of my bladder bursting and me dying in a pool of blood and urine. (Probably shouldve put a “Warning: contains graphic imagery about pee pee”)
   Zoobar has unisex bathrooms perfect for groupfies you’ll be embarrassed to DP once you’re sober and for your sober friends of the opposite gender to carry you and help you inside the toilet.

Two of my friends and I have a post exam tradition of drinking where we order a Budweiser and a shot of whisky for ourselves and then proceed to, mix them together (it actually tastes quite nice, like candied cough syrup with the right nip of bitter beer, it’s not an acquired taste, you’ll like it and honestly do you really care about how the drink tastes or how it makes you *feel*?) because that’s the cheapest way to get high, in one pint of beer. Also, my friend who suggested it is Punjabi and hence has a healthy love for whiskey. Anyway, so once we were drunk and we started to truly understand the meaning of YOLO, we opened the food menu (try it when you’re sober and you’ll see what I mean) and ordered fries. Then, because we weren’t satisfied with making just one stupid drunk decision, we ordered nachos.

But living life on the edge has its perks and hence WE LOVED THE FOOD. Totally worth the money and our kidneys. The quantity is awesome, the amount of melted cheese is enviable and it was the perfect platter of finger food.

Moral of the story?

1. Try Beer & Whiskey (Bhiskey? Weer? Cheap thrills?)
2. Big group? Loads of money? Order Quench food! (It has a great Zomato rating too)
3. Just money for drinks? Eat canteen or Anand dosa food and go. Drinking on an empty stomach is fun till you pass out and don’t remember what you were up to and why your face hurts.

While Zoobar offers jenga, a rack filled with books, slightly cheaper alcohol, fascinating animal themed decor, average food and a groupfie conducive environment, Quench has its own set of charms. In my opinion, the music, lighting, decor and feel of Quench offers a more hippie rock,  chilled out “beer and beats” vibe. And the prospect of delicious food never hurt anyone, did it?

So head over to Quench after college this Saturday with your gang and experience Juhu’s most underrated Ghetto.