A Comprehensive Guide to Old Monk

This article is submitted anonymously.
Old Monk.
Never have two words inspired such myriad emotions. It is the sugarcane molasses that went to college, got a job at McKinsey analysing fur thickness of Llamas (Dalai is Lama, There is a difference) then called you on seeing the Facebook update of your breakup yelling “Chal daaru peete hai” and then kept refilling Old Monk for you from itself? Wait. What.
What you came for (other than Sasha Grey. Sorry.):

1. You must use CocaCola for the oh so beautiful classic cocktail. Not Diet Coke. Not fucking Pepsi. You must be skinned in silence of the night by a bloodthirsty vigilante if you use Thumps Up when CocaCola is available. Ratio is 2:1, 1 being Monku.

2. Old Monk shots! No, calm your tits you heathen, chugging 30ml doesn’t constitute a shot. Take a glass, plastic if you don’t trust yourself. Dip the rim in salt. Pour 30ml of beloved Monku and 3 drops of lemon juice. That is called a shot.

3. Sure, you can Google to find intricate cocktails involving coconut cream, grenadine, pineapple tea powder and blood of Megyn Kelly. Soon you’ll realize you do not have the cash, the time or inclination to put all that together. You can’t be disappointed. I’ve told you.

4. If you plan to drink neat, don’t. No, no, not being an unkill here. The key is sprinkling 4 drops of water every for every peg of Monku. This ensures all the vicious chemicals evaporate leaving behind the sweet rum with a hint of chocolate.

5. You may pour some Old Monk over a scoop of vanilla ice cream for instant high and/or sugar rush. Sugar helps alcohol digest and enter you blood stream faster. Never forget.

6. A quarter costs Rs.108 in the glorious State of Maharashtra. Half costs Rs.210. Khamba costs Rs. 432. If you happen to be from Karnataka, where Khamba costs Rs.260 if I recall correctly, you may yell bhenchod in your loudest voice. It is noteworthy that I researched how excise duty works because I was outraged by this, including dozens of notifications on stateexcise.maharashtra.gov.in

7. It will be a cold day in hell before Bombay cops give a shit about probable cause for search before asking you for bribes to go away. Which means the publicly intoxicated you with a quarter in brown paper/polythene bag just screams aao mujhe harass karo. To avoid this BT, just pick a comfortable corner, don’t annoy anyone and you can sip on the said elixir on a beach staring at the sunset.

8. You may work on your project/s at 3 am while sipping on Old Monk, the deadline being the same day obviously. However, in the light of the fact that not everyone is a high functioning alcoholic and/or recreational drinker, it is suggested that you experiment with an insignificant project like Legal English.

Lord Krishna will bless.

One of those days


This article is written by Praneeta Ragji (BA.LL.B. Class of 2020)

If you are a student of School of law in all probability you have worked till 3:50 pm and ended up submitting the project by 4:10. The sense of accomplishment that day is beautiful and a visit to ZooBar – almost inevitable.  Before you know, it’s 6 pm and travelling in the local is probably the worst decision to take. And that’s why it’s the perfect time to head to the beach (there’s a back entrance to Juhu beach via Prithvi – Always remember) and so it becomes “one of those days”. Now whether you head there for some solitary brooding or with a couple of close ones, your playlist is an essential companion. So here are a couple of recommendations. Now, no one’s challenging the ability of Pink Floyd, Queens or Beatles to set the mood, they’re a different league altogether. But if you intend to be home by 10 pm fairly sober, these do the trick. Cheers!

  1. Phosphorescent – Songs For Zula

“It sounds really cheesy, but I went down there with a guitar and got a little hut on the beach in Tulum, on the Yucatan Peninsula” said Houck (the singer-songwriter of the band).

  1. Ophelia- The Lumineers

The song is named after the ingénue of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Ophelia was the naïve daughter of Polonius who fell in love with Hamlet. She is humiliated by him and when Hamlet kills her father she loses her reason. Soon after, Ophelia drowns.

  1. Thirteen Thirty Five – Dillon

This seemingly misleading song was the brainchild of the Berlin based singer-songwriter Dominique Dillon de Byington. The web is filled with assumptions that this song is an autobiographical version of when the singer lost her baby in a miscarriage. However there are no sources to give credibility to this and hence it may just be an abstract song that gives you the chills.

  1. Ocean – Nischay Parekh

If Prateek Kuhad resonates with you, Nischay is worth a listen. In October 2013, Parekh released his debut album, Ocean. The album was produced by Miti Adhikari, a long-termer at the BBC’s Maida Vale Studios who has worked with bands like the Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Radiohead, and more.

  1. Moon Child – F16s

The F16s were a massive hit at this times Pune Weekender. “Moon Child” performed by them for Bucket Sessions is a soulful melody that makes you want to dance with a glass of wine in your hand like no one’s watching.

  1. Youth – Daughter

This particular song was played in an advertisement for Tour de France on ITV4. However it irked some who believed the song had nothing to do with cycling. But, the beauty of the song lies in a million interpretations.  Decide for yourself.

“We are the reckless
we are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we’ll reveal the truth
that one will die before he gets there”

  1. The Connoisseur Of Great Excuse – Damien Rice

This one by an Irish singer-songwriter forces you to contemplate.

  1. Simply Three – Rolling in the Deep

To the ones who love instrumental, Simply Three is for you. You are bound to have a crush on the violinist- Olivia Lemmelin.

  1. Piano Guys – Hello

If you have not been interested in instrumentals these guys are sure to change your opinion. It was difficult to choose one favorite, but the cover of “Hello” by Adele is a perfect way to welcome the sunset.

  1. Purple Rain – John Petrucci, Steve Morse, Brad Gills

So a friend once told me that it’s sad that girls have a crush on Adam Levine and not John Petrucci or Brad Gills. He was right.