This article is submitted by Lakshmi Srinivasan (BA.LL.B. Class of 2018)
Okay, I know you must be wondering what’s with this girl? She was always insane (I get whispers you know), but her insanity must have crossed leaps and bounds to post a debate in a ranting humour blog (that’s Le Monde de Kulcha for you!)
But, this idea came to me after I listened to most complaints and partly stemmed from my approval and disapproval (it’s complicated!) about the current result announcement method.
So without further adieu, taking my limited knowledge of debating, let’s hear the government and opposition on this! (because it’s NMIMS and high debating culture – Debsoc are you listening? That’s my love for you guys!)
Note: Before you get ideas, this is a monologue with a touch of the parliamentary debate format (because I am inspired by North Korea and there is only one candidate you vote for!) Also expect some elements of… Drama (what did you think?).
Disclaimer (as a law student): The views of the author are personal. Kindly take things in light humour and chill in life! Else, Get a life!
The motion is readable and in English. (Hangeul opso!) So, before I start blabbering in broken Korean, we should proceed on with the definitions.
This House is set in NMIMS School of Law, 7th Floor, Mithibai campus, V. L. Mehta Road, Vile Parle – 400056. (I wear the ID card every day).
‘Results’ refers to that incident every four months in your life, because of which you are heavily judged and ranked even as an individual! (Ha! Nikla Bhadaas!)
‘Current Result Announcing System’ refers to the screwed up system of putting up your results that started with this trimester, wherein your parents are messaged and then you get the 10th standard feeling and where the CGPA is left to your interpretation. (As if the previous system didn’t insult people enough by putting it before everybody, but that was okay because one could still manage that)
‘Absolutely crap’ refers to the highest degree of crappiness a system can be! Like the Himesh Reshammiya and Rahul Gandhi level of crap! Like the Samsung Galaxy S Duos level of crap! Like the cow dung level of crap!
[Adj has tears in his eyes (revealing himself as a human) and then says, “May I request the Leader of Opposition to come forward and give his speech?” PM refuses to leave the podium and the Adj says, “Bas kar bhai.. Aur rulayega kya? Tumse na ho payega ye debating vebating.. Kar De mujhe Riha!”]
Sir Chair, I would like to challenge the definitions (because I am a South Indian and can’t accept such demeaning definition of something as dear as ‘results’)
While the House set is acceptable, the side Opposition feels that the side Government has overdone the jurisdiction of the house, revealing their excessive desire to show themselves as geniuses and of impeccable intelligence quotient popularly known as IQ, but have miserably failed in doing so and ended up making themselves look like Kalidas before his penance to Goddess Kali or those six blind mentally low-placed people around an elephant from the stories of Panchatantra, more commonly known as ‘fools’.
[Adj has the same expression as that professor from 3 idiots on Chatur’s definition of ‘machine’]
‘Results’ refers to something that you ought to have told your parents every time it strikes like a bolt of lightening, so that you are struck with their sword of words on your irresponsibility or responsibility as the case maybe, before you think of blackmailing your friends into not breathing a word to your parents even erroneously (or if they are scared too then you join their ‘toli’).
[Adj’ s eyes start drooping]
‘Current results announcing system’ refers to the responsible system by which you along with your parents and lathis can enjoy the benefit of knowing the results and applying for revaluation at the comfort of your house like one big (un) happy family.
[Snoring is heard]
‘Absolutely crap’ refers to the highest level of profanity that can be used before most parents if you want them to be harmless. Hence the side Government and the convener of the motion should be marked down for the use of such Profanities in this Holy House, Sir Chair.
[Adj jolts on hearing ‘Sir Chair’ and says ‘Yes Sir!’ in a drunk Raju Rastogi manner. Then realizes where he is and says]
“I have heard both the sides and the both the first speakers have each given me a perspective enough to not hear others speak and distance myself from the debating Circuit altogether for the purposes of my sanity. Also, to keep with the decorum, I announce the side Government to have taken the debate by a margin of 0.5. Jai bhadrakali! Bharat mata ki jai!”
Speakers shocks, Adj rocks!
P.S.: In my view (finally I come to the point!), I don’t care if they announce the results in X-RAY scan folders or on Radio City, as long as they come on time, it does not make a difference. The current system may have flaws, but it has good points too. However I am still pissed off with the CGPA not showing up. Have to wait for the transcripts now!
P.P. S.: I know the post is long, but this is me hoping for a reason to pester Suyash and JD for a cheese kulcha!
Have a great day! Cheers!