Unintended Consequences

SC on Penal Code

This article is submitted anonymously.

Sometimes world is on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it.

A woman was on her way to go shopping, but she had forgotten her Patanjali GauMutra Swadeshi Moisturizer – went back to get it. When she had gotten Patanjali Gau Mutra Swadeshi Moisturizer, the phone had rung, so she’d stopped to answer it; talked for a couple of minutes. While the woman was on the phone, the Eastern Book Company Design Head named Lajwanti was at home rehearsing for a wedding toast for a friend who was getting married at 4.20pm (Subh Mahurat) that day. And while she was rehearsing, the woman, off the phone now, had gone outside to get a rickshaw. Now a rickshawala had dropped off a fare earlier and had stopped for some chai-sutta. And all the while, Lajwanti was rehearsing. And this rickshawala, who dropped off the earlier fare; who’d stopped for chai-sutta, had picked up the lady who was going to shopping, and had missed getting an earlier rickshaw. The rickshaw had to stop for a man crossing the street, who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did, because he forgot to set off his alarm. While that man, late for work, was crossing the street, Lajwanti had finished rehearsing, and was taking a dump. And while Lajwanti was taking a gigantic shit, the rickshaw was waiting outside a boutique for the woman to pick up a package, which hadn’t been wrapped yet, because the girl who was supposed to wrap it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and thus forgot. When the package was wrapped, the woman, who was back in the rickshaw, was blocked by a delivery truck, all the while Lajwanti was getting dressed. The delivery truck pulled away and the rickshaw was able to move, while Lajwanti had to replace the toilet paper, which ran out. While the rickshaw stopped, waiting for a traffic light, Lajwanti came out the back of the building.

And if only one thing had happened differently: if there was slightly more toilet paper; or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier; or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend; or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier; or that rickshawala hadn’t stopped for chai-sutta; or that woman had remembered her Patanjali GauMutra Swadeshi Moisturizer, and got into an earlier rickshaw, Lajwanti would’ve crossed the street, and the rickshaw would’ve driven by.

But, that rickshaw did not go by, and that rickshawala was momentarily distracted, and that rickshaw hit Lajwanti, and her leg was crushed. She did not make it in time to office to notice that the stupid fucking intern had not bothered aligning the dust jackets of the Supreme Court on Penal Code books, which was published as is.

PS: Read Benjamin Button script.

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